One Rule for Women
Finally, a Set of rules for you ladies:
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
- Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching
about you leaving it down.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present, yet again!
- Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Saturday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
- Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
- We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
- Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
- The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
- All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
- If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
- Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- No you really do have too many shoes.
- It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
- BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
- Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like